IF I FIND YOU SUBMERGED IN MY INTROSPECTION, IT'S BECAUSE I AM ONE WHO OVERFLOWS WITH IT. MY EXISTENCE IS CAPTIONED BY THIS PREDICAMENT OF A LIFE LARGER THAN THE MARGINS PLACED AROUND ITS EDGES.
MY BITTERSWEET STATEMENTS IN SUPPORT OF THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS..
I sneer at people who can throw invectives at others without knowing where they are insufficient... Those who rage in anger over things they never understood - like how two strangers connect without spending time to talk..Or why it seemed like they have known each other before?... In the paradigm of sacrifice, I am the one that always needed something to believe in, in all the aspects of my life. To live, to protect my children, to love and fight for others and everything that matters to my existence. I learned, slowly, in the length of time too stretched and far away that hope the same as love is the simplest of word we can think of and give. And ironically, the hardest to get in this world where deceit and betrayal can sometimes disguise themselves as over-bearing. The purity of heart will always remain the wall that shields us. It's certitude.
♥ON BOOK POWER!♥
I love books, I treasure them like my life. I spend thousands of minutes in Powerbooks - reading from prologues to epilogues before paying for them. And it's one freaking habit I carried on to ppl close to me - they're adddicted to it! .
♥MY TAKE ON KIDLAT TAHIMIK AND HIS SUNFLOWER HOUSE!♥
Truthfully,I would celebrate each day I get the chance to meet people who think this way. Kindred ideas of equal mindset... People who idolise Sun Tzu's The Art of War and Coelho's Warrior of the Light...People who can relish every second of conversation with Eric De Guia as he talks about the planks of woods he used to build his atelier on Session Rd..And how art is desecrated by wannabe's.
♥HOW I CHOSE TO RECKON ...♥
November 2003
December 2003
March 2004
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June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
January 2005
February 2005
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April 2005
July 2005
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February 2006
March 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
October 2007
November 2007
January 2008
August 2008
September 2008
November 2008
December 2008

♥KINDRED♥
Dino(fractalcow.com)
The Blog of Filipino Writer-Director Sigfreid Barros-Sanchez
W/ Permission from Jim Paredes
Benjamin
Ala Paredes
Wam Molina

♥ON THE SWIFT PASSING OF TIME...♥
Youth is fleeing, temporary. In this life, family & friendships are like the air that I breathe. I feel if you let go of those, just like your youth, everythin will be BLAH. We should keep them - like how you imagine a child holding tightly a lollipop in his hand..
♥WHAT ABOUT THE PALM READER?♥
An old soul, so said by a palm reader. One blink of my eyes would mean a thousand ideas conceived and processed... Do you know what constitutes the basic idea of being a woman of substance? When intelligent conversation matters more than sex itself.. I am starting to patronize that...How many reincarnations ive transcended? Caffeine-freak. Walk into my skin... Soulful.Ethereal.
skin by unriven
inspired by threadless
basecodes mothersound
12.06.2008

LIKE A STAR, COMING HOME, GRAVITY...
(Their Grammy video.)

I remembered discovering Corinne Bailey Rae's album together with India Arie's, while browsing the new songs in a plane going to Singapore 2 yrs ago and i found myself in the perennial state of loving all of them. Oh, tell me about it. When I landed in Delhi, it took me one week to find her album which they still had to reserve from Mumbai.


This one sung by John Legend was in his Once Again album. It's called Coming Home ( I dedicate this to Ronnie. I always believed he is coming home, even if he's been everywhere. :) ). And JL - my all-time favorite, like how Oprah adored him - I think that he is the next Stevie Wonder in the making.


I suddenly thought of one circumstance in early 2007 when something like this transpired at an identical momentum. Please click: http://bittersweetcharisse.blogspot.com/2007_04_01_archive.html .
Never mind John Mayer. He has been there, an icon, without a word. Though I'd have appreciated it more if Carlos Santana took the guitar from him and played, instead. :)


http://www.imeem.com/sistasoul1/video/TGv3USwZ/corinne_bailey_rae
_john_legend_john_mayer_2007_grammys/
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11.29.2008

ON YOUR DAY...


We thought this can be the first of many when we could celebrate together. Only now, you're faraway. But even so, it really doesn't matter. Waiting is courage to me.

To wait is to bring tomorrow close to where I am today.
Happy birthday. I love you so very much.
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11.23.2008


WISHFUL THINKING.
( Written today...)


More than how I've wished it for myself, to see your happiness was what I had written in that small book. I've missed you from the day you left me standing outside my house - driving away, leaving Manila until you come home and maybe find me.


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COMING TRUE.
(2008,November 18th)


I've always been your quiet crowd that cheers for you in all your endeavors - you know there will always be somethin' for you and your passion! They're opening themselves before you because you work hard to fulfill them.

A big part of me says I take the refuge from just thinking that I had been there to witness your endeavors being planned but a little unfortunate to be far from you when all else are now coming true. Whatever it is, I'm always proud of you and of what your pursuits have continued becoming. No one could ever truly have said it better than me.

You're so blessed to have people who love you more than you can and believe in your capabilities more than you thought they will. I miss the times when we'd sit and stay beside each other and hear you weave your aspirations. And I'd cheer for you. :) I miss that.
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BRAVER TO SAY.

(2008, November 14th)




The circumstances had hit me and it made me dopey in the most unusual way. I never used to cry quite so much, but most of the time was spent lurking in this space we thought we could have saved as ours - longer, stronger. Made me always wanting to embrace and think of it with my heart and mind for all its love and power.




Despite all that kept us apart now, I'm with you. Your winter jacket buttoned up, zipped-straight to your throat so you won't catch a cold. I didn't have to effuse too much because needless to say, you always know I love you.

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MY NEW DESTINATION.
(2008, November 12th)


I captured the inspiration to write about this today. Finding inspiration in the midst of healing is strange but encouraging at the same time.

I started collecting the manuscripts of my writings again. After almost a year of delaying plus my default procrastination, it came to me that I need now to send them to Ate in 2 months! :) I need it more to be able to fulfill a long standing dream and maybe somehow, even when you won't be around anymore, you'll be proud of me, too. Because that was how we used to talk about it before. :)Looking forward to the publication of your future book, too. Im sure Ate will be there for that.

You know in your heart that I wrote this for you. There was a time when I used to think we had always worked it through and that every plan you and I shared for our own individual interests was such a joy to cherish . I wish that God will shed some light, understanding and forgiveness. Always remember how much we had been thru together.I'm still beckoned by the thought of tomorrow because what we had for long was shaped by that.
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TO WALK AWAY.

(2008, November 10th)


I'm drifting because it was my constant and to walk away from it is a struggle i'll always have to hurdle.After a long time of stretching my arms to try my best in embracing your world, I knew there had to be a break.And if for anything else, I'd like to remember how I asked you not to change and be the same person I saw before you physically left.

Where you are right now, i know it was brought by the demands of your world but it shouldn't have had altered the foundation we long built.


This morning I sat quietly, remembering every word written and said. We kept on slipping further and further away from one another, distance and time lengthened. Where will I find the next Christmases, birthday's and New Year's we looked forward to spending with thereof? We promised that...


I know that NOT too many nights will be wasted on mourning. To express sadness in writing proved more painful than it is said in person. And i also know that each night of sadness is true and needed and enabling me, in some small ways after so many hurtful things were said, to rebuild...If nothing else is left, I hope my love and respect will still shine in every word because you know I stood by you no matter how, what and when.I'll always love you.
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(2008,October 22nd)
WHERE YOU WILL SIT AND CONTEMPLATE YOUR DAY.


I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning.
In an open tub whenyour judgement's on the brink.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite album,
back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep.
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat.
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold....

(excerpt from Brand New Colony - Thanks to my friend,Brew ,for writing this on my blogspot years ago.)


***
I think i've always been your buttoned coat, zipped straight to the throat and collar up so you won't catch a cold! Haven't i been always?:) haha... That's the simplest way to put my role to your life quite literally and into a funny metaphor, haha.

More than how I've wished for myself, to see your happiness was what i've written in that small book. I've missed you from the day you left me standing outside my house - driving away, leaving Manila until you come home in Jan.***
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(2008, October 24th)
MY UNCERTAIN, HAPPY JOURNEY.



For Ronnie.

Our story has always been about leaving and always coming back...And how in this length of time, we stood by together- like the anchor to the ship.I used to think that I lived a significantly imperfect life but I was such a coward to admit it.I found out I was wrong.

I learned from you that it's better to live one's life with truth and imperfection than not being able to be content in trying to be perfect endlessly. I loved you for that. More birthdays and Christmases and New Year's. Yeah. :) Come home soon.
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FOR TOMORROW.
(2008, November 5th)

Sometimes I stumble upon the fear of coming to another day of waiting.And how many times I must have cried because you're not here right now...Too many.
As hard as it gets, we always try to look through all possibilities for more days and stories to be had together. And birthdays,and Christmases, summers...

For all our differences which we manage to understand and accept along the way - what used to be the road ahead, as i see now, will no longer be a road ahead because we're on it now... I hope that time will prove me right. Only time is all i need to keep me waiting so I could see you again in this sandbox built by believing that there's tomorrow.
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SOME MORE WAITING.

SOME MORE WAITING.
(2008, November 3rd)

To wake up quietly always wanting to open my eyes to this brand new day. And moving along so much stronger. I never realised I will be in this situation when the last minutes count.
To move forward after you recall what's been done and forgive yourself and the others that hurt you... Hope for some more mornings when everything just seems alright.

I'm writing for people who dream for the night to end and wait for the light of day to cast its ray to a brand new beginning.
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9.06.2008
LAST TWITTERING FOR THE DAY.



LAST TWITTERING FOR THE DAY.


1. Wanting to feel dead sleepy at 3pm.
2. Oh,Southern Grass at Bela Bar at 10pm!!!
3. Maybe Wam might remember our shoot.:)




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TWITTERING.







TWITTERING...



1. Fighting loneliness up to the last minute I can be awake.
2. Spent 2 hours on an overseas telebabad from SF.
3. Twitter & sleep...



8 minutes ago from web
http://twitter.com/_charisse
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9.05.2008
TWITTERING...



TWITTERING.


1.In a waking moment.
2.Thinking of Ronnie...what could have happened.
3. Will eat the crabs on the table with Roxeanne Blue!
4. Smiling, but..




Yesterday, September 05, 2008, 10:27:35 PM
http://twitter.com/_charisse
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8.23.2008


WHAT USED TO BE OUR SANDBOX...
(sandbox: n. A low box filled with sand for children to throw and play in. )


This was how it was to write about you. Besides, we knew that aside from the MANY other things mundane (like what appetizer to eat or you finishing up the coffee i always forget to drink) and the metaphysical (our never ending stories) we both love doing - it's one of the best things we are so most passionate about! Therefore, I envision our own version of Lonely Planet or Animal Planet (remember the poor baby Taz devil?) or Nat Gen and how we would have chronicled the lives of animals, people, places and history brilliantly. Grin.

Though I'm prouder if people will see (soon!) the work you did on your dad's film bio on DVD as a counterpart of the book your family launched last week. The time you had to spend sleepless in the studio from January to July doing everything to meet your target date, which you did - and not havin anythin except coffee, water and power drink just to get by awake to finish everythin! Oh, ask me about those long months.

I'd like for the readers to know how incomparable you are and if you were a dfferent person I'd still say the same. Which means I am unbiased to say that you are eloquent, articulate, funny, creative and colorful! Perhaps, to put it in a simpler perspective - the Ronnie I had always expected for everyone to see.

I always have been the quiet crowd that cheered for you on your current endeavor -you know there will always be somethin' for you and your passion, huh. I saw the future coming, giving you back what used to be the dream which is now in the form of reality. I'm praying that it flows like a river. Really. I always never told you but as hard as i try not to say it - thank you for staying by my side all this time in your own, different ways.

Prayful that God will gve you more so you won't have to leave for long. The altered reality we never planned somehow had taken us close together. And this will go on and on and on.


________________________
written in July, 2008.
http://www.bittersweetcharisse.blogspot.com/
http://www.charisseinhersoultrain.webpress..com/


* Photo taken by Calvin Flores. Thanks, Shoti.*


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WAM'S WORLD IN A SHUTTER SPEED.


http://www.electricthirdeye.blogspot.com/ (wam molina)

Relish by viewing. As he captured fleeting beauty through his rangefinder before it can disappear forever.
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8.22.2008

GRIEF.


For the first time today, I woke up with this kind of grief I never felt for such a long time. I felt a loss and it hit me. Somehow, when you get used to the presence of someone very dear to your heart, who understood you and knew you and accepted your imperfections the same way you did - you never saw the loss coming.

I am grieving. And yet, happy for what i gained...
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RETROSPECT OF MY GRIEVING.



There is no lack of drama in my life. I have more than enough 3-ring circus materials for writing; but even so, I always approach each goodbye with hope for a better day.

-THE SUM OF OUR DAYS
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8.18.2008







HOW WAM & ROXEANNE HAVE GROWN.


All of these I'm doing for both of you to make sure you grow up stronger, wiser, loving and respecting the people around you.
You both have your own purpose to live. I know that wherever destiny will take you, you will take care of each other until you grow older.



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INAH TOOK SHOTS OF ME.
Saturday, August 9th.


















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8.17.2008

WAKING MOMENT.


I feel a million times stronger and more sure of myself. Of what i want to be. And where will I be. Now, my waking moments spin around Wam and Roxeanne, my life at work, far away . In this journey, i had lost priceless people. What's important in the present is what I have - which I swear, I never asked God to give me but how thankful I am for having.
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8.16.2008

PRECIOUS WORDS FROM JOEY.


Hi Cha,

Thanks so much for the kindest words you chose in the comment you left on my profile page.

Such acts of generosity are most precious ... and rare nowadays.

Joey


(I told Direk Joey yesterday how much he is like the same soul, always funny and larger than life. Never boring. Salamat, Joey. I'll bump into you very soon! :) )
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8.09.2008

KINDRED.

Out of curiousity, I read the email a stranger wrote in my My Space messaging. And I thought it was so beautiful and endearing to the heart. One thing I said to Faith, Chi and Shem the other day : when I write, there's succor when I know someone's reading it. And are moved.

Please read the excerpt of what one kindred spirit from 10,000 miles away wrote to me. Am I bad that I never said thanks directly! ....

Charisse, I just think your a very talented writer where your thoughts come out clearly and originally on the page, I enjoyed reading what pieces I did and I'll get into your blog and see what creativity you have there to woo me. I appreciate good writing because I'm a poet and writer myself and artist now as well. September I have plans to take guitar lessons, so life is amazingly what you make of it, how much you put in equates to what you get out. All too true we never get anything out of things that don't inspire us or move us in some way, but we have to explore, put in the time to find out, relationships are quite similar in that way come to think about it.

Incidentally; I thought your pics you shared are quite wonderful, your daughters are angels and my thoughts reading the Taj Mahal pic was; magnificent is the only word that describes you, quite honestly it's true and I'm totally honest about thinking that because I only want to deal with the truth period and revealing what those thoughts are is simply affirming what is already true.

Nice to meet you, I hope we can have some deep and meaningful conversations in the near future, I would love that immensely.

Michael

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1.29.2008


OUR SYMBIOTIC BOND.

"Certain mistakes in the past had given us a life trauma. We both, somehow, consciously or subconsciously would like to correct them - sa application lang tayo nagkaiba (only our application on how to correct them differed from each other).


While you try to maintain your status quo to maintain your idealism, I had given up on going through a road block and decided to take another road to follow. Both our roads are right, but only if we manage to reach our own destinations."

(Oh well, I'm sure you smile as you read this being published upon my constant pledge that I won't plagiarize you. Grin. As a reaction to your "action vs. reaction mantra," I had told you that i will give you credit where its due, especially for something you wrote/said/shared that gave true meaning to human nature, especially mine. Haha.

Thank you, Ronnie. Can I just say that you freed my mind from this prison cell. You made me stronger somehow. Although i know that you still see me not following the advice, I am trying my best to be braver without the fear of losing the values that shaped me. For more of our writings. I'm happy that you're now here.)


* Photo taken by Calvin Flores, Conspiracy - January 14, 2008.*

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RONNIE'S CONSTANT BLOGGED ADVICE (LoL).
I'll have them published with your permission in a matter of days. Still finding the right moment where it's necessary. Grin.


Jan., 2008.




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1.28.2008

LETTER FROM A MOTHER .
(Dear MALAYA - this was the comment your mom posted when I published the poem EYES OPEN WIDE which you gave me in February 2006. For what it's worth, i told you I am compelled to publish it for its power and beauty to guide you wherever that wind had taken you.
Keep on flying through your art, poetry and music. )


Dear Charisse,

I, too, love Ronald. Very much! I think no one, except the Lord, can love him more than I do. No matter what, I will always be there for him - bearing his burden with him, sharing his pain, rejoicing in his victories, sorrowing in his failures, praying for his success and well-being, loving him until the very last breath of my soul!

All the world may walk out on him, but I will always be here for him. He will never be a throw-away for me. Instead, next to my salvation, Ron will always be God's greatest gift to me.

Thank you for believing in him, for your gracious words of encouragement and appreciation. Ronald must be thinking highly of you.Yes, Ron is a great friend. But you know what? He is even greater as a son. I know. I am his mom.

* Malaya is Ronald Pasion.
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SATURDAY REHEARSALS AT BALLET MANILA.










































The previous Saturday, I took a respite from the monotony of my current domestic bliss and preferred to hang around the Elizalde compound on Donada St. where ( as everyone knows) the BM Company holds its residence. My daughter Roxeanne, with her regular weekend class, while i mingled with the seasoned and interesting stage mothers who lingered the place or sat with everyone overlooking the main hall.Lisa ( Macuja- Elizalde) nodded at me and pointed to the closest chair i can sit so i wouldn't have to waste my effort adjusting my lens from a 25meter distance to a kinda-measured-like-5-meter-distance from where they were doing the warm up for Don Quixote.


This was how i emphasized each photograph, feeling like a real neo-photographer who didn't care if the camera was pointed at P or AV or if t was under-exposed of misfocused. I just wanted to capture that moment accompanied by piano and they all looked regal and very graceful, especially Lisa and Osias (Barroso).At that time, people from CTV were shooting what's going on around the compound for a documentary on Ms. Lisa, I think. So i felt like another wanna-be , rubbing elbows. Hehe.

(I had the chronological description per photo in my multiply site and for some strange reasons, this blog cannot put them in their freaking order! As it should have been read in multiply, pardon me if the photos were shuffled.

* Roxeanne shying away, what's new? :
*With Teacher Sophie doing the stretching.
*That's Lisa on the floor.
*With the company, warming up.
* My daughter standing like an aspiring ballerina with the long, straight neck and body. I wonder if this will have a nt-so-good effect on her because she hates becoming fat, just like me but the thing is - i never had the faintest of dicipline for the last 2 months since i left IBM.


Well, Ronnie told me time and again and the latest was some hours ago that i should accept my body's imperfection and if i cant change anything anymore, i should begin changing my attitude towards it.Nice thought from a rockstar! :)
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11.21.2007

HAPPINESS SHINING.

When every single day proves to be a quiet struggle to be able to catch up with time, I always sleep on the sadness that befalls me when I think about how much I am robbed of the opportunity to make everyone see that you make my life different in your very limited way, unimaginably.
I'd like to think that this is not just a ruse to blind myself. But it's sweet. Though I know that I will never have the chance to always stay beside you like others do, I'm content at the thought that when I do, the laughter , joy and warmth linger - like an unspoken word at the tip of your tongue and you can't get over the very thought of it.
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11.12.2007

MOMENT OF BLISS.


It's unconceivable to think of my near future not entering the IBM building beginning 3 days from now.
After 3 years of choosing to stay and not leaving, trying to fit in a multitude of incomparable, diversed attitude of people...And then, I stopped thinking and went outside to sit. I said to myself, i will not remember it from today. I'll only remember the people who made huge, positive effect on me and my character. They know who they are, I guess.

It's a quiet evening.
I loved the colours that painted the sky, as i stayed and sat at erica's terrace. I loved the feeling of buzzy, happy, stillness that overcame me as I sipped my caramel macchiato bought for me by Aska from Starbucks Adriatico and watched the clouds skid along overhead.
I will pull through, as always.
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11.09.2007

SO MY STORY ENCOMPASSES A FEW THINGS.


When your children were way, way younger, it's very impossible to imagine a life where they will not live with you, where you will not see them everyday or know what they're doing.
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SOMETHING ABOUT THE EBBS & FLOWS.

For my good friend,Edward.

I'd like to think that there still new horizons for you, new worlds. And everything that fate hurls at you will always create a better man in your person. I really, really, adore this photo! And yeah, it seems like a place where solitude is golden. Maybe you should try seeking refuge in Boracay or la Union! :) See? What i wrote about that silent flowing of sea water - the one that washes the feet when someone walks along the shore...This is the caption i would write for this one.

Why the hell did you get rid of the hair???





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TRUSTING.

There can be many small mistakes that we can do, simply by trusting, which may change our lives in a snap. How, when you throw yourself to it with open arms, you still get betrayed.
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11.03.2007

TIME.

Always in your hands.
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11.02.2007
MY SUNSHINY MIND FINDS PEACE IN SAYING.

MY SUNSHINY MIND FINDS PEACE IN SAYING.

That...

For the record, apart from time and lots of thinking, there were a few things that helped my heart and head to heal over the years after the uncontrollable up's & down's.
Life still rises up and overwhelms me and for the past year I’ve managed to live without regularly panicking and falling apart. :


1. I write every evening . I cannot recommend this highly enough, both as a creative exercise and also as a self-counseling technique.

2.If I needed a hug and there was no one there cuz Roxeanne & Wam are not at home, when there was no-one available right then,I remind myself that the universe could give me a hug. :)

3. I use beautiful paper to write letters to people I cared about.

4.I sleep when i can.

5. I go to Starbucks, MNG, ZARA, MNG & MNG!!! with my girls & friends.

6. I let myself cry.

7. I think about the kind people i came across with in this entire life and all the beautiful things they had done for me...

8. I forget about work.


I’d been able to articulate some changes which hopefully will make certain aspects of my life more rewarding. Now it’s a matter of seeing if those changes can be put in place before worrying about what will happen next. Life is good. Don't we all feel it sometimes?

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10.13.2007
Your Belief.

YOUR BELIEF.

"The wind always blows in different directions.
but wherever it goes, you will always hear my voice whispering...
That i believe in you.
Keep being the beautiful person that you are...
Your friendship is one of my strenghts and smiles.
keep flyin but don't get burned under sun. "

(Ron -it moved me when you wrote that.
Thank you for your incessant reminder.
I couldn't nudge my surgeon to give me morphine! *grin*
And I'd like to be oblivious to the idea that you were
writing that in boracay, adrift in melancholy. Thank you fort he 15 years of lasting inspiration and soul-plane... )

Written on 19 July, 2005 9:25pm

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An Excerpt From The Iceman, A Short Story.

AN EXCERPT FROM THE ICEMAN.

I love you, he says. I understand this well. The Iceman loves me. But then, from some far-off place, a wind stirs and blows his white, frozen words away...away into the past.. I cry..Icy tears stream down my face..In our faraway, frozen home at the SOuth Pole...Now, there is almost nothin' left of my former self. Sometimes I forget that I ever even had it....."

--- from The Iceman, in Vintage Murakami

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6.29.2007

A SHORT MUSING FROM BEN.







"It's been a while. my absence has not changed the turning of the tides or ceased the cycles of the moon. i fall in deep respect to the order of things, to Him who is cause of such effects. i send words into the wind, lyrics of goodness, prayers that breeze through life. here, the birds fly."


(Benjamin Padero is a documentarist and production designer- a gifted aftermath in human form of U.P. Fine Arts and of Mowelfund... He writes! his LIFE IS prose has been, for 2 yrs now, one of his postings which i keep in my file & which i have posted 2 yrs ago in my blogspot - with his permission! *grin* Ben, thank you for this one. May you continue being one, deep soul whose contribution to this world is your art. )

Check his domain & conquests: http://www.paderewski.tk/

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6.11.2007

NEAR DEATH.


I thought i will never be able to return. I'm thankful I did.
06.10.07
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5.26.2007

I HOPE EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY.

...spoke with my daughters who are on vacation with Tita Erica.

...slept well, woke up late...laughed with G last night & we listened to Sonia's
Bossa Nova version of "Always Somethin' There To Remind Me" over
the phone...*smiling...happy...*

... reading the preface of the Witch of Portobello - my newest book of P. Coelho.

...went to work and was welcomed by a happy crowd...smiling faces...truly dedicated people.

...sausage with egg McMuffin for breakfast with these happy crowd and smiling faces! :)

... Starbucks on a Sunday morning.

...began writing more for my blog today, after a month of limbing out of my creative psyche.

...new blog skin - fresh and green!

...getting ready to go home and see my daughters again later.

...looking forward to having my ticket rebooked in December? And pay 7000 bucks
for the rebooking? Hell, no...I think i really have to say goodbye to Bangkok and
consider saving my vacation leave credits for Diwali in November as planned...
Maybe yes, maybe no...

...i love this day...how come Sunday has its way of putting you on your toes and makes you think of the present , past and future all at the same time? :) and your frown turns into smile...
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THIS LIFE-FULFILLING SACRIFICE...


Sometimes life snaps at you and wakes you up at random - like how it scares you when you see a shady human form from your periphery but the space is empty when you look the 2nd time...
It just shows that often you need to think a little bit harder
to realise what treasures you already have.
Your children. Your parents, brothers or sisters...And it feels good...

It made me focus on the thought that i seldom got time to really spend for Wam and Roxeanne...
It's mostly, for the last 9 months, work since I left Sprint. And then lived in India, came back, and it's work again... And it's taking its toll on me...
I don't wanna lose my grasp on my daughters' lives ever, that's for sure...
I like myself to be always present when Roxeanne takes her recital in her ice-skating or ballet and Wam in her classical guitar...
And I'm thinking of leaving work to experience that with my girls 100% now...
(Or maybe take them to Vienna to finally live there...if i win the lottery! Haha...)

And I kinda picked up somethin' from Yasmin the other day that we have to take care of our mothers while they are still not so old and tell them we love them as often as we can...
It hit me...I've been too engrossed in my work and it's not improving the quality of life i should have with my family. ..More than anyone, I love my mother and daughters. And from today, I'll reshuffle my priorities and make my job second to them... And cancel my travel to Bangkok on the 29th, which means forfeiting the ticket. But i don't mind, anyhow. I realised there are some things we must sacrifice to be able to completely understand life's truest meaning...

I like how my behavior changes when I talk about the people closest to me...
I get high and meaningful.
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