IF I FIND YOU SUBMERGED IN MY INTROSPECTION, IT'S BECAUSE I AM ONE WHO OVERFLOWS WITH IT. MY EXISTENCE IS CAPTIONED BY THIS PREDICAMENT OF A LIFE LARGER THAN THE MARGINS PLACED AROUND ITS EDGES.
MY BITTERSWEET STATEMENTS IN SUPPORT OF THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS..
I sneer at people who can throw invectives at others without knowing where they are insufficient... Those who rage in anger over things they never understood - like how two strangers connect without spending time to talk..Or why it seemed like they have known each other before?... In the paradigm of sacrifice, I am the one that always needed something to believe in, in all the aspects of my life. To live, to protect my children, to love and fight for others and everything that matters to my existence. I learned, slowly, in the length of time too stretched and far away that hope the same as love is the simplest of word we can think of and give. And ironically, the hardest to get in this world where deceit and betrayal can sometimes disguise themselves as over-bearing. The purity of heart will always remain the wall that shields us. It's certitude.
♥ON BOOK POWER!♥
I love books, I treasure them like my life. I spend thousands of minutes in Powerbooks - reading from prologues to epilogues before paying for them. And it's one freaking habit I carried on to ppl close to me - they're adddicted to it! .
♥MY TAKE ON KIDLAT TAHIMIK AND HIS SUNFLOWER HOUSE!♥
Truthfully,I would celebrate each day I get the chance to meet people who think this way. Kindred ideas of equal mindset... People who idolise Sun Tzu's The Art of War and Coelho's Warrior of the Light...People who can relish every second of conversation with Eric De Guia as he talks about the planks of woods he used to build his atelier on Session Rd..And how art is desecrated by wannabe's.
♥HOW I CHOSE TO RECKON ...♥
November 2003
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March 2004
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November 2006
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January 2007
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♥KINDRED♥
Dino(fractalcow.com)
The Blog of Filipino Writer-Director Sigfreid Barros-Sanchez
W/ Permission from Jim Paredes
Benjamin
Ala Paredes
Wam Molina

♥ON THE SWIFT PASSING OF TIME...♥
Youth is fleeing, temporary. In this life, family & friendships are like the air that I breathe. I feel if you let go of those, just like your youth, everythin will be BLAH. We should keep them - like how you imagine a child holding tightly a lollipop in his hand..
♥WHAT ABOUT THE PALM READER?♥
An old soul, so said by a palm reader. One blink of my eyes would mean a thousand ideas conceived and processed... Do you know what constitutes the basic idea of being a woman of substance? When intelligent conversation matters more than sex itself.. I am starting to patronize that...How many reincarnations ive transcended? Caffeine-freak. Walk into my skin... Soulful.Ethereal.
skin by unriven
inspired by threadless
basecodes mothersound
7.15.2004
SUDDENLY I'M BLABBING ABOUT FATE...Tsk..Tsk..


In certain defeat, I still cling to the belief that all the chance meetings ,in between long interval of years that happen between you and another person, are not merely a series of meaningless coincidences...
When you left for fate to take its course in bringing you and that same person both in the same place at such unexpected time...

Such tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan of fate...Whether or not or even if it will not end the way it should be, or should have been...

Must be a sign of something not really romantic, but of significant relevance to my life and my passion and my dreams I took for granted.

It left me speechless, immobile... Asking why this chapter of my life coincides in harmony with the universe...

It's happening to me.

______________________


Because I didn't quite know & expect when to bump into my friend Ronald again, I left everything to fate and returned to my normal routine. For one, because I am busy, he has the world in his hands. It's a hit and miss thing to be able to bump into each other soon.
After all, it always have taken us like 4 or 5 yrs just to cross paths with each other and just to let the records show, those are very, very unplanned circumstances. Like the very elusive rain out in the Sahara desert...Or the sun that almost never shines in England...

One Monday morning, 14th of June, coming from my Sunday day off, I had this itch to have coffee at Seattles in Greenbelt and called my friend Hazel to meet me there. I never woke up early just to go to Greenbelt. But that morning, it came as a duty I had to fulfill for myself..So there we met.

Hazel updating me with her endless pursuit to be a bonafide greenthumb and how lonely her life has become for the last 8 months...While I tell her about the reawakening of my dream to be a certified writer in my own right soon, all because of the inspiration Ronald left me with the last time that we talked..And how I contemplate in exploring that dream because now I lost contact with him again... It has ceased motivating me further just when I was in the brink of finally succumbing to that deprived passion... Hazel asked me when was the last time I saw him, I said almost 2 weeks ago and after that, no more.

I was describing to Hazel how he looked like, when from my seat outside Seattle's Best, I saw a distant figure standing outside Starbucks. At 1030 in the morning, 1930 Pacific Standard time. It was a very familiar figure of a man I last saw 2 weeks ago, wearing I Love NY tshirt with the long dread locks. My jaw dropped. And how funny I looked when I ran my way to the rest room when I saw him lifting his butt from his steel chair at Starbucks to go walking to where Hazel and I sat.

I mean, hey... Was it a senseless coincidence? As I wrote up there, it must be a sign of something not really romantic because I know it can't be. But I have always believed there's a message that I need to figure out. Or what lies beneath those circumstances...
Is he instrumental in making my dream happen? Is he the missing soul that still makes my soul incomplete? I believe a soulmate does not actually mean a partner. It could always be your daughter, your father, your friend, or a complete stranger whose face you couldn't even draft no matter how hard you think of how he might look...

Ronald has always been the center and force that continues to attract people with creativity in their blood, for his is a mind that thinks differently. I think he lives his art or basically practices what he preaches..When you get the chance to move around his orbit, it will be quite a struggle to expel yourself from it. I don't know why. Until now. He's like Tyler Durden in Fight Club. Oh, yeah!..That reverberating voice in your head that tells you you are not your job, you are not what you have in the bank. I guess he must have seen it. :) That character represents him. Free, uninhibited, a force that opens up your soul.

I remember him telling me that my job kills my passion. That made me halt my drive to go to work every night now. I spend my days reading books, watching art films, writing journals like right now. Things I didn't get to do for a long, long time because I had to work at night in a call center...And I'm beginning to feel FREE...My hand couldn't stop moving...I have again started appreciating the beauty of my rough handmade papers...I couldn't help praying for my shift to end at 800 am so I could finally open my blog and tinker on my keyboard..The sight of my pen with silver ink sliding smoothly on the black paper drives my heart orgasmic...

So this must be that underlying truth. The sign I have to recognize shown
by the tapestry of events unfolding right before my very eyes.
And I thank him... So much.

I hope he doesn't poke a gun in my mouth just like Tyler.

I'll see if fate will take its course again for the 4th time in 14 years...


http://www.bittersweetcharisse.blogspot.com
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7.05.2004
WATCHING MARITESS VS. THE SUPERFRIENDS


...as taken from Dino's voices in his head : www.fractalcow.com.


You familiar with this underground cartoon? This have been circulating as attachments in emails 2 years ago...The story of a Pinay DH who served the Superfriends in the Hall of Justice.

It was conceptualized by US - based Fil-American writer/stand- up Comedian Rex Navarette. And Dino (Ignacio) did its very, very clever animation!
I'm gonna ask Dino if I could post somethin' about him here so y'all, mah friends would
know who was the main man behind that funny cartoon. ^~^
Of course I have to catch him again online as he's right now based in SF. ^~^

Too bad we could not feast on his "Bert Is Evil" creation now that he finally put it to rest, as a sign of respect to Sesame Street Workshop and to Jim Henson, who has been the hero of our generation! (babyboomers, flowerchildren..PeAcE!)

How much of a brilliant artist, this guy! Well, he said he owes a lot of it to his brothah
Ronald! But that, actually, is another different story!

So later...
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7.04.2004
VEINTE POEMAS DE AMOR Y UNA CANCIَON DESPERADA (TWENTY LOVE POEMS AND A SONG OF DESPAIR)

What a woman like me would feel if one lost soul would, to me, dedicate this timeless, undying poem...



VEINTE POEMAS DE AMOR Y UNA CANCIَON DESPERADA


Puedo escribir los versos mلs tristes esta noche.

Escribir, por ejemplo: "La noche estل estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos".

El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.

Puedo escribir los versos mلs tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.

En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.

Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la querيa.
Cَmo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.

Puedo escribir los versos mلs tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.

Oir la noche inmensa, mلs inmensa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocيo.

Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.
La noche estل estrellada y ella no estل conmigo.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazَn la busca, y ella no estل conmigo.

La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos لrboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuلnto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oيdo.

De otro. Serل de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Aunque éste sea el ْltimo dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los ْltimos versos que yo le escribo.


__________________________________



TWENTY LOVE POEMS AND A SONG OF DESPAIR


Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her..


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7.02.2004
SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, MF DAY...

vOiLa!
My alter ego recognized the presence of my soul today! *smile*

Until then...Let the power of fate and faith continue.

As I quote Bullet : Namaste! < I salute the divineness in you...>
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