MY BITTERSWEET STATEMENTS IN SUPPORT OF THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS

I AM PROCRASTINATION IN HUMAN FORM.

Just recently, I had suffered from chronic Powerbooks rummaging.First, because I 've waited for the store to finally release The Zahir last October; second, because I got amused by the overflowing new stocks of ALLLLL Murakami books,including Norwegian Wood which had been invisible from the shelves for a few months. Lastly, the 2nd book by British writer Paul Golding called Senseless took me away quite uniquely, as opposed to my usual musing at the sight of beautifully written sentences witten by other writers. His writing style was Kafkaish, only Kafka wrote with detailed, transparent, crisp emotion like you can actually feel his fear when he wrote Letter To My Father... While Golding seemed Gaelic. :)

So I bought all of them like I could finish reading them in no time. As always, after almost 30 days, I'm on Chapter 12 of South of the Border West of the Sun, chapter 2 of Kafka On The Shore, Chapter 1 of Senseless, almost halfway through Poems To Set You Free (a small, hardbound book in magenta of contemporary hardcore poems given to me by erica) and done with He's Just Not That Into You( by Greg Behrendt, writer for Sex and The City, also from Erica).

Here goes the procastinating machine again. Eager at the smell of new books to read - don't we all love the smell of them? It's just that the problem with me right now is that my networking with old friends have gone extensive, dating far back to high school. Plus my Sundays will always be at Timezone and dining out with my 2 girls and Erica's brood until we drop at the sight of the widest, circled yawn on Roxeanne's face.
In short, no time to read,as of this writing.

Just to give you an idea, here are the lists of my current passion.

Latest in my shelf:
1. The Zahir , Paulo Coelho
2. South of the Border, West of the Sun : Haruki Murakami
3. Kafka On The Shore : Haruki Murakami
4. He's Just Not That Into You : Greg Behrendt
5. Poems To Set You Free (forgot the Author as I type this in my office)
6. Senseless : Paul Golding

Latest in my CD collections for Nov. in support of PARI (Read: I only buy authentic):
1. Sacred Love : Sting's latest including my fave Shape Of My Heart
2. True Faith: Eto Hits Acoustics
3. Timeless : Julia Fordham
4. Radiohead's CD w/ Fake Plastic Trees
5. Kelly Clarkson ( I gave to my youngest)
6. Black Eyed Peas( I gave to my eldest)
7. Sergio Mendez
8. Workshy

After My Lonnngg Wait, I found these films On Sale at Music 1:
1. Lost In Translation
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. My Best Friend's Wedding!
4. Great Expectations ( I borrowed fr Erica, by the way)

I wish I have the luxury of time to be able to view these films again this weekend.
compromise. Never sacrifice. *grin*

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TO CONQUER MY WORLD AGAIN

TO CONQUER MY WORLD AGAIN.

She is my total extreme.

While I am prudent, she is outspokenly liberal. If I look demure, she seems sensual. When I almost almost die fighting for a love to stay, she sneers at the thought that I choose to die for it. Where I was weak, she fills it with her strength. When we were younger and I was a self-declared waif, she gave me shelter and fed me - took me along with her wherever she went.I grew up with her and Peaches. Her family was my family. I f you don't know her and you'll just observe her from a 10-meter distance, you'll flinch and be thinking to yerself that this woman's a deep-rooted, smart-ass, hardcore bitch.

I could not exactly enumerate in detail all the stuff we went through together. All I know is that our friendship is the classic, long-standing example of one that stood the tests of time. All the up's and down's, temporary goodbyes, birthdays in the family, giving birth to our offsprings and seeing them grow up swiftly.

I love her until I die. She was the bright color that God used to paint my life with when it was black and grey and no matter how cliche - the wind beneath my sometimes wilted wings. I know I did not have the chance to give back to her all the love and kindness she unselfishly brought me all these years. This time I promise I'm never gonna leave her again.

Though I'm running out of words to define my plight in this truly lonely life, I feel stronger today more than ever because I know she's back to conquer my world again and put aside this overcast...

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THE SADNESS THAT BESETS HIM

THE SADNESS THAT BESETS HIM.

Sometime this year, a friend of mine to whom I dedicated my 2 postings here in my blog is publishing a book he titled The Sad Man. I did not stop to think why he chose that title as I am certain that those 3 words completely describes the totality of his life as I knew him.

He gave me the honor of writing a part of his book's prologue, which took me a month to finish and finally, I am done. I did it in the middle of incessant sleepless days (I work at night), a kind of transgression in my normal nocturnal life.

Everything I will do for a friend.
How much can I write to conjure away the sadness that besets him?
This sadness in his heart brought by the forgotten dreams of other people...

I told him I am excited to tell the world the things I have written in my mind all these years about him. How I came to know one distinct friend - the hurting and wonderful things he was, his journeys that I missed, his life I could no longer embrace and his friendship coexisting with my life wherever it treads. It requires a great deal of passion to be able to keep up with something you do not see because of time and distance but because of faith, you become oblivious to the magic of believing. This I learned from him to the core.

I just need to find my heart to feel that magic. I'll write to reciprocate my passion and will give him back the inspiration he surrounds my life with from the time when life was so simple. And it matters most that our friendship is each other's strength.

Thank you, Ronald. Everytime I lose my faith, I feel your soul in my heart telling me in whispers to believe. I guess that stays until we grow old. :)

P.S. ..
And you know what? I came across Sting's old song "Shape of My Heart" which was used in Jean Reno's 1994 movie "Leon- The Professional." Read through the lines, I dedicate this to your soul:

SHAPE OF MY HEART

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn't play for the money he wins
He doesn't play for the respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance.

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart.

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades.

And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong
I'm not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who fear are lost.

0 -BRAVED THRU IT TO ARTICULATE!