IF I FIND YOU SUBMERGED IN MY INTROSPECTION, IT'S BECAUSE I AM ONE WHO OVERFLOWS WITH IT. MY EXISTENCE IS CAPTIONED BY THIS PREDICAMENT OF A LIFE LARGER THAN THE MARGINS PLACED AROUND ITS EDGES.
MY BITTERSWEET STATEMENTS IN SUPPORT OF THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS..
I sneer at people who can throw invectives at others without knowing where they are insufficient... Those who rage in anger over things they never understood - like how two strangers connect without spending time to talk..Or why it seemed like they have known each other before?... In the paradigm of sacrifice, I am the one that always needed something to believe in, in all the aspects of my life. To live, to protect my children, to love and fight for others and everything that matters to my existence. I learned, slowly, in the length of time too stretched and far away that hope the same as love is the simplest of word we can think of and give. And ironically, the hardest to get in this world where deceit and betrayal can sometimes disguise themselves as over-bearing. The purity of heart will always remain the wall that shields us. It's certitude.
♥ON BOOK POWER!♥
I love books, I treasure them like my life. I spend thousands of minutes in Powerbooks - reading from prologues to epilogues before paying for them. And it's one freaking habit I carried on to ppl close to me - they're adddicted to it! .
♥MY TAKE ON KIDLAT TAHIMIK AND HIS SUNFLOWER HOUSE!♥
Truthfully,I would celebrate each day I get the chance to meet people who think this way. Kindred ideas of equal mindset... People who idolise Sun Tzu's The Art of War and Coelho's Warrior of the Light...People who can relish every second of conversation with Eric De Guia as he talks about the planks of woods he used to build his atelier on Session Rd..And how art is desecrated by wannabe's.
♥HOW I CHOSE TO RECKON ...♥
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♥KINDRED♥
Dino(fractalcow.com)
The Blog of Filipino Writer-Director Sigfreid Barros-Sanchez
W/ Permission from Jim Paredes
Benjamin
Ala Paredes
Wam Molina

♥ON THE SWIFT PASSING OF TIME...♥
Youth is fleeing, temporary. In this life, family & friendships are like the air that I breathe. I feel if you let go of those, just like your youth, everythin will be BLAH. We should keep them - like how you imagine a child holding tightly a lollipop in his hand..
♥WHAT ABOUT THE PALM READER?♥
An old soul, so said by a palm reader. One blink of my eyes would mean a thousand ideas conceived and processed... Do you know what constitutes the basic idea of being a woman of substance? When intelligent conversation matters more than sex itself.. I am starting to patronize that...How many reincarnations ive transcended? Caffeine-freak. Walk into my skin... Soulful.Ethereal.
skin by unriven
inspired by threadless
basecodes mothersound
2.23.2006
MY ANGEL.

ANGEL.
This was Ish (Iris' baby girl's left foot after being born).
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If only the world had given me a better choice, I would have opened up your eyes to the beauty of life. Give you this lifetime comfort of how it is to be quietly carried by the arms of your mother.

I think of you before I sleep. If I will have another you ever.
Where you are, in my mind, you are safe. No longer prone to mundane sacrifice and temporal pain. Remember I never discounted your worth. I guess I will be forever asking myself if what's best for me would mean not having a chance to carry you, hold you, take care of you in the future.

Nothing in this world I would have wanted than to give you the best thing that you should have deserved.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!




HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SADMAN.

You just told me a while ago that in our world, time has no hands. I often wonder what is it with our friendship that truly, always makes me feel being embraced by it when I suffer from a well of grief.

Wherever I go and whatever I become, it's going to be with you everywhere. You let me know that I can achieve anything. And on those days when the world just overwhelms me and I can barely even move, you make me feel and remind me that you are there.

Ron, you are my bestfriend,my brother, my soulmate and the platonic love of my life.
Thank you for being there. I love you, I trust you and as you believe in my potential - I, too ,know the great things you achieved and will achieve throughout your lifetime without me.
Happy birthday.


(Ronald a.k.a. Malaya a.k.a. The Sadman, of phenomenal WARP *teehee*, is an artist I am so proud of. A brother to me. The only male friend I can muster i love you to without cringing out of sick desperation. Because he understands. My soul's supplement. My alter ego. My true friend of 16 years. The one I used to ride the LRT with. Cried with. Built all the dreams of my youth with. He renews my soul. Our friendship will never falter. We have proven.)
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2.22.2006
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.


For letting me publish this beautiful poem ( EYES OPEN WIDE) you posted on my myspace profile. *hugs*
This goes for WINTERCHILL as well.

I support your art and poetry.


(Malaya is Ronald Pasion. The Sadman. The man who will forever help me paint the canvass of my dreams. Enough said, brother.)
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EYES OPEN WIDE

EYES OPEN WIDE

a cloaked romance
death has prepared
synchronized intuitions
lost in despair
sink and be gone
vanish in endless trails
sing and dance
on a crucial affair
bleed in love
down on the drain
i lost my smiles
when you walked away
blank and diguised
bloated sanity
colorless sky
a dead rainbow cries
as the lovers dies
on the same way
they became alive
now dreamer wakes
with blood in the eyes
calling his cabinet
of static beliefs
let me embrace silence
as i once did
before the world thought
i'm better undead.

-MALAYA a.k.a. The Sadman
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WINTERCHILL

WINTERCHILL.

...flying on someone elses wings on a borrowed wind...
...they found each other and shared dreams...
...she whispered melancholiness and he jerked in pain...
...his eyes was wet and she held him shaking...
...two souls in the savage garden...
...where truth is a luxury...

...he wants her...
...but he knows it wasn't the right time yet...
...he could feel her always, with no effort...
...he loves the way she smiles...
...her lovely voice...
...her intellect...
...her world behind her eyes...

...then a new wind came...
...she bacme quiet, then still...
...then slowly she glided away...
...not knowing what that his heart was weeping...
...bleeding...

...he wants her...
...but it wasn't the right time yet then...
...he was still flying on someone elses wings...
...on a borrowed wind...
...he wants there own sky...
...there own freedom...
...there own wings...
...there own songs in the wind...
...but it was too late, she no longer can't wait....

...so there he was alone in the wind that never came...


-MALAYA
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2.21.2006
SPREADING WINGS.

SPREADING WINGS.


Tomorrow, I will be calling Dara David! My former colleague Mick was offering me a stint to write for clickthecity.com, courtesy of Dara. This is one of those opportunities I would bet my arm not missing! For one, I don't call it moonlighting at all. I label it a calling to my passion. I hope that Dara would give me a shot.

Same thing goes to my artist friend Bob Suzara who owns AdFocus, who never fails to remind me to write copies fro some of his clients. *grin*mwah*.

Thank you, people, for believing in my talent. I know that if Ronald is reading this right now, he will be delighted to know that after so many times he attempted to crack my skull open, here are the opportunities coming my way without giving up on my bread and butter. (Suddenly, I am reminded of my conversation with Kidlat Tahimik during one of Joe's artistic iteneraries the last time we visited Baguio.)Ron, your inspiration is taking me to the horizon you used to paint for me. I will unearth that, promise.
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2.20.2006
AFTER THE STORM

AFTER THE STORM.


Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream.When you wanted to pursue happines at an arm's length, it veers from you like the strong, drifting wind initiating the grand chase of your lifetime and it leaves you gasping for breath, unable to win the race. Where has it gone?

I've had a motley of chances with time trying to chase that drifting wind. Two chances at life. And in between, I had asked God if I am still worthy to live a life that's far too different from the one I used to live. It seems to me that as I grew older, I had lost the spirituality of my youth, when I'd spend long hours inside the church to commune with HIM... I miss that phase. When life was as plain as white, devoid of complexities: rearing my little daughters, bringing them to school, doing homeworks with them, waitng for my husband to come home, praying in bed, waking up thanking the Lord for a beautiful day. All domesticated pleasures.

These are the things that can pierce me with longing when I am displaced from them by time's whim.

Our dreams took them away.

And day after day is heartbreak each time they cross my mind. If I have the chance to maneuver the hands of time back to relive those simple pleasures, I'd grab it with my life. Shield my family from every storm that comes to make sure no one will leave... I crossed paths with those storms many times over. I am still here, out of it, not the same person I was when I walked in. And after the storm, It's still the 3 of us: myself and my daughters by my side. I've alaways prayed to God that, as they grow old, may they remember and carry with them mommy's love. I know they will... And I wouldn't care anymore if the rest of the world forgets.

I write this for Wam and Roxeanne. They are my witness to all the storms I surpassed. I may have done my own mistakes but I know that no matter what, they will always choose the same mother over and over again without a fail.
I do not know if I still could picture the sun. Perhaps I will keep on running after that strong, drifting wind. And if I catch it, I will never ever let it slip through my hands again.

God is good.
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