IF I FIND YOU SUBMERGED IN MY INTROSPECTION, IT'S BECAUSE I AM ONE WHO OVERFLOWS WITH IT. MY EXISTENCE IS CAPTIONED BY THIS PREDICAMENT OF A LIFE LARGER THAN THE MARGINS PLACED AROUND ITS EDGES.
MY BITTERSWEET STATEMENTS IN SUPPORT OF THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS..
I sneer at people who can throw invectives at others without knowing where they are insufficient... Those who rage in anger over things they never understood - like how two strangers connect without spending time to talk..Or why it seemed like they have known each other before?... In the paradigm of sacrifice, I am the one that always needed something to believe in, in all the aspects of my life. To live, to protect my children, to love and fight for others and everything that matters to my existence. I learned, slowly, in the length of time too stretched and far away that hope the same as love is the simplest of word we can think of and give. And ironically, the hardest to get in this world where deceit and betrayal can sometimes disguise themselves as over-bearing. The purity of heart will always remain the wall that shields us. It's certitude.
♥ON BOOK POWER!♥
I love books, I treasure them like my life. I spend thousands of minutes in Powerbooks - reading from prologues to epilogues before paying for them. And it's one freaking habit I carried on to ppl close to me - they're adddicted to it! .
♥MY TAKE ON KIDLAT TAHIMIK AND HIS SUNFLOWER HOUSE!♥
Truthfully,I would celebrate each day I get the chance to meet people who think this way. Kindred ideas of equal mindset... People who idolise Sun Tzu's The Art of War and Coelho's Warrior of the Light...People who can relish every second of conversation with Eric De Guia as he talks about the planks of woods he used to build his atelier on Session Rd..And how art is desecrated by wannabe's.
♥HOW I CHOSE TO RECKON ...♥
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♥KINDRED♥
Dino(fractalcow.com)
The Blog of Filipino Writer-Director Sigfreid Barros-Sanchez
W/ Permission from Jim Paredes
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Wam Molina

♥ON THE SWIFT PASSING OF TIME...♥
Youth is fleeing, temporary. In this life, family & friendships are like the air that I breathe. I feel if you let go of those, just like your youth, everythin will be BLAH. We should keep them - like how you imagine a child holding tightly a lollipop in his hand..
♥WHAT ABOUT THE PALM READER?♥
An old soul, so said by a palm reader. One blink of my eyes would mean a thousand ideas conceived and processed... Do you know what constitutes the basic idea of being a woman of substance? When intelligent conversation matters more than sex itself.. I am starting to patronize that...How many reincarnations ive transcended? Caffeine-freak. Walk into my skin... Soulful.Ethereal.
skin by unriven
inspired by threadless
basecodes mothersound
11.29.2008

ON YOUR DAY...


We thought this can be the first of many when we could celebrate together. Only now, you're faraway. But even so, it really doesn't matter. Waiting is courage to me.

To wait is to bring tomorrow close to where I am today.
Happy birthday. I love you so very much.
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11.23.2008


WISHFUL THINKING.
( Written today...)


More than how I've wished it for myself, to see your happiness was what I had written in that small book. I've missed you from the day you left me standing outside my house - driving away, leaving Manila until you come home and maybe find me.


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COMING TRUE.
(2008,November 18th)


I've always been your quiet crowd that cheers for you in all your endeavors - you know there will always be somethin' for you and your passion! They're opening themselves before you because you work hard to fulfill them.

A big part of me says I take the refuge from just thinking that I had been there to witness your endeavors being planned but a little unfortunate to be far from you when all else are now coming true. Whatever it is, I'm always proud of you and of what your pursuits have continued becoming. No one could ever truly have said it better than me.

You're so blessed to have people who love you more than you can and believe in your capabilities more than you thought they will. I miss the times when we'd sit and stay beside each other and hear you weave your aspirations. And I'd cheer for you. :) I miss that.
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BRAVER TO SAY.

(2008, November 14th)




The circumstances had hit me and it made me dopey in the most unusual way. I never used to cry quite so much, but most of the time was spent lurking in this space we thought we could have saved as ours - longer, stronger. Made me always wanting to embrace and think of it with my heart and mind for all its love and power.




Despite all that kept us apart now, I'm with you. Your winter jacket buttoned up, zipped-straight to your throat so you won't catch a cold. I didn't have to effuse too much because needless to say, you always know I love you.

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MY NEW DESTINATION.
(2008, November 12th)


I captured the inspiration to write about this today. Finding inspiration in the midst of healing is strange but encouraging at the same time.

I started collecting the manuscripts of my writings again. After almost a year of delaying plus my default procrastination, it came to me that I need now to send them to Ate in 2 months! :) I need it more to be able to fulfill a long standing dream and maybe somehow, even when you won't be around anymore, you'll be proud of me, too. Because that was how we used to talk about it before. :)Looking forward to the publication of your future book, too. Im sure Ate will be there for that.

You know in your heart that I wrote this for you. There was a time when I used to think we had always worked it through and that every plan you and I shared for our own individual interests was such a joy to cherish . I wish that God will shed some light, understanding and forgiveness. Always remember how much we had been thru together.I'm still beckoned by the thought of tomorrow because what we had for long was shaped by that.
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TO WALK AWAY.

(2008, November 10th)


I'm drifting because it was my constant and to walk away from it is a struggle i'll always have to hurdle.After a long time of stretching my arms to try my best in embracing your world, I knew there had to be a break.And if for anything else, I'd like to remember how I asked you not to change and be the same person I saw before you physically left.

Where you are right now, i know it was brought by the demands of your world but it shouldn't have had altered the foundation we long built.


This morning I sat quietly, remembering every word written and said. We kept on slipping further and further away from one another, distance and time lengthened. Where will I find the next Christmases, birthday's and New Year's we looked forward to spending with thereof? We promised that...


I know that NOT too many nights will be wasted on mourning. To express sadness in writing proved more painful than it is said in person. And i also know that each night of sadness is true and needed and enabling me, in some small ways after so many hurtful things were said, to rebuild...If nothing else is left, I hope my love and respect will still shine in every word because you know I stood by you no matter how, what and when.I'll always love you.
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(2008,October 22nd)
WHERE YOU WILL SIT AND CONTEMPLATE YOUR DAY.


I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning.
In an open tub whenyour judgement's on the brink.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite album,
back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep.
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat.
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold....

(excerpt from Brand New Colony - Thanks to my friend,Brew ,for writing this on my blogspot years ago.)


***
I think i've always been your buttoned coat, zipped straight to the throat and collar up so you won't catch a cold! Haven't i been always?:) haha... That's the simplest way to put my role to your life quite literally and into a funny metaphor, haha.

More than how I've wished for myself, to see your happiness was what i've written in that small book. I've missed you from the day you left me standing outside my house - driving away, leaving Manila until you come home in Jan.***
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(2008, October 24th)
MY UNCERTAIN, HAPPY JOURNEY.



For Ronnie.

Our story has always been about leaving and always coming back...And how in this length of time, we stood by together- like the anchor to the ship.I used to think that I lived a significantly imperfect life but I was such a coward to admit it.I found out I was wrong.

I learned from you that it's better to live one's life with truth and imperfection than not being able to be content in trying to be perfect endlessly. I loved you for that. More birthdays and Christmases and New Year's. Yeah. :) Come home soon.
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FOR TOMORROW.
(2008, November 5th)

Sometimes I stumble upon the fear of coming to another day of waiting.And how many times I must have cried because you're not here right now...Too many.
As hard as it gets, we always try to look through all possibilities for more days and stories to be had together. And birthdays,and Christmases, summers...

For all our differences which we manage to understand and accept along the way - what used to be the road ahead, as i see now, will no longer be a road ahead because we're on it now... I hope that time will prove me right. Only time is all i need to keep me waiting so I could see you again in this sandbox built by believing that there's tomorrow.
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SOME MORE WAITING.

SOME MORE WAITING.
(2008, November 3rd)

To wake up quietly always wanting to open my eyes to this brand new day. And moving along so much stronger. I never realised I will be in this situation when the last minutes count.
To move forward after you recall what's been done and forgive yourself and the others that hurt you... Hope for some more mornings when everything just seems alright.

I'm writing for people who dream for the night to end and wait for the light of day to cast its ray to a brand new beginning.
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